When will my reflection show who I am inside?

Laura and Aleks made us breakfast in the morning. (Hashbrowns, bacon, and donuts! nice combo huh? Well the stomach wants what the stomach wants!) They had to leave today to go back to school so their visit was short, but Laura will be back for her spring break! Yay!

After they left Matt left me alone with Vincent for the first time! He went to Lowes to get a lock for our door. I know people know to stay out of our room while I'm breastfeeding, but I still feel so exposed. I also just feel exposed because I'm still in the healing stage post pregnancy and I feel like I just need some cocoon time. Some time to just be goopy mush but where no one will see me so I can re-emerge as a butterfly later.

While he was gone I cleaned around our room and Vincent slept. It was really anti-climactic. I also read one of my pregnancy books. I skipped over the c-section chapter when I was pregnant. That's how confident I was that I wasn't going to have to have a c-section. I just wanted to make sure my reason for having a c-section was in there and that it sounded really necessary. I also read the chapter on vaginal birth after c-section, (VBAC) and it made me feel a lot better, that maybe I won't have to get cut for each delivery. We'll see!  It's funny how I don't feel like I have the strength to do anything while Matt's here, but the second he leaves I find my strength.

In the evening we watched the Illini game. Although, I couldn't stay awake. Not much to stay awake for. They have definitely lost their mojo and a lot of their fans for this season.

Vincent is 5 days old today.

I wanna close my eyes. I wanna fall asleep, but I'd miss you babe. And I don't wanna miss a thing.

Vincent went to his first doctor's appointment in the morning. We got good news that he had gained weight! Unfortunately it was 4oz in one day and the doctor wanted us to supplement less! Instead of supplementing 30mL each feed she wanted us to supplement 30mL one feed then nothing the next! We tried that one time and after Vincent freaked out and would not sleep we split it up 15mL each time and it went much better.

Laura and Aleks came today from Florida. They got here around 2 and we hung out and talked and oohed and awed over Vincent of course. It was weird and hard not being in bed and visiting, but it was worth it. I'm really glad they came. In the evening Laura and Aleks made us dinner. (Panko chicken, garlic mashed potatoes, and green bean casserole! YUM) I felt bad because we really didn't get to spend much time with them. Vincent had to feed about every 3 hours and each time it takes us about 40-50 minutes sooo that doesn't leave a lot of time.

Vincent had a rough night during the night. He wouldn't sleep from 3 til 7. That might not sound that bad to you. You might think Psh! 4 hours! But no. It's bad. Compile it with all the other hours of sleep you have missed. Add in that breastfeeding really takes it out of you. And don't forget that even when he does decide to sleep it's only 3 hours before you have to wake him up to do it again. Wake him up? Wake up a sleeping baby? Yup that's right. Since Vincent hasn't reached his birth weight again we have to wake him up every 3 hours even if he's sleeping peacefully. Makes it even harder because he wants to sleep. We want to sleep. But no. The clock is merciless and it feels like it's always time to feed.

Vincent is 4 days old today.