The son'll come out tomorrow.

I started off the day frustrated. Still no baby. I had an OBGYN appointment in the morning and Matt went with since he already had the day off for Martin Luther King Jr. day and since we knew this had to be one of the last ones. Little did we know that it was going to be THE last one before Vincent was born! YAY!

At the appointment I met with the midwife that I liked. We asked her her opinion on inducing and thought that she was going to be totally against it since she is a midwife and usually they are all about natural, holistic treatments and not just drugs, drugs, drugs. But she was all for it. She said since he was already late that there was no doubt in her mind that they could get me into labor and she said it was all geometry now. Will the head fit thru the pelvis? And that would be an issue if we induced or if he came naturally. My OBGYN had set the induction date January 23rd with me coming in the evening of January 22 to start induction, but the midwife said there was no harm in starting the process TODAY! So of course I jumped on that. Next she did something very mean. I thought she was just going to check my cervix and see how much I was dilated, but she stripped my membrane. For those of you who don't know what that is it's when someone sticks their finger up inside your cervix and moves it all around to try to get stuff going. My cousin said she didn't even know her doctor was doing it til she was done. I DEFINITELY knew something was different. She stuck her hand up WAY TOO HIGH! I felt like a puppet on a hand. I wiggled like a worm on a hook. It was so intrusive and uncomfortable! I felt so violated. When she was done I definitely felt different and I didn't like her as much. AND I was SURE I needed an epidural. If I couldn't take that? Ha. I got this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I thought was nerves. Then I thought was cramps. Then I found out was contractions!

Finally in my own room at Northside I was so excited. I was hooked up to the monitor and they showed me how to watch Vincent's heart rate and the rise and fall of a different line when I was having contractions. I felt pretty good watching it rise and feeling completely under control. We got to the room at about 5:00, and they gave me the Cervidil (looks like a tampon with a long string that ripens your cervix) at 7:30. My contractions started getting worse but were still manageable by 10:30 when they gave me Ambien so that I could sleep thru my contractions. Definitely didn't work. Instead of falling asleep I just got really tired, but felt every contraction. Being tired completely shook my resolve. I knew I wanted the epidural, but I didn't know when was too early to ask for it. I didn't want the nurses to think I was a wimp. I wanted someone to come in and praise me for taking those contractions like a champ. The contractions got worse and worse, but nobody came. What made it even worse was that some of the really bad contractions didn't go up really high on the monitor so I didn't even have the satisfaction of seeing that. When a nurse finally came in I told her that the Ambien wasn't working and I couldn't sleep at all so she gave me morphine. This kind of worked. It made it so I could sleep, but I would wake up for each contraction. This almost made it worse because I couldn't feel any of the time between the contractions. It just felt like someone was coming into the room, beating me up, leaving, then coming right back to do it again. They felt like the blood pressure cuff they put on your arm in that moment when it's really pumped up and you think for a second TOO TIGHT! but then it goes down, but the cuff was around my uterus. I was in such pain that I had to grab on to the railing of the bed with both hands and bury my face in my pillow, but I still couldn't bring myself to ring the nurse and ask for the epidural. I thought surely someone would see the monitor and rush it to my rescue saying that surely I wanted the epidural now since I had told them I eventually wanted it, but no one came. Finally I woke Matt up, but couldn't even ask him to get the nurse for the epidural. I just started crying. Matt finally asked if I wanted the nurse to come in with the epidural and I took my opportunity and just said yes.

When the anesthesiologist came in to administer it he wasn't warm or friendly at all. He wasn't mean, just all business, like I was a broken copy machine and he was there to fix me. I really thought he was just going to stick me without even warning me, but the nurse kept me informed about what was happening. All I felt was a sting from the anesthesia. They told me the big needle was going in, but I couldn't feel a thing. I felt one more contraction and nothing more. I was one cloud nine. I was so thrilled. I wanted to kiss the man (or woman) who created the epidural. I floated off to sleep with a smile on my face.

Why'd you have to wait to find me, to find me?

Wow today was so frustrating. I thought Vincent's due date was going to be the happiest day of my life so far, not a big build up and a big let down. We've been saying January 20th for so long I really didn't think this date had the option of being anything but wonderful.

What made it really hard was that last night I had false labor for a little more than 2 hours! From 2:45 in the morning til about 5:00 I was having contractions for about 30-45 seconds 5 minutes apart! I really thought it was the real deal. They even started to get more intense by the last 3. I was seriously considering calling the doctor, but then I remembered him saying to walk around and see how you feel after that. As soon as I got up and walked around the contractions stopped. If I got back in bed they started up again! I even took a shower and did my makeup just in case we were really going to the hospital, but after walking around more it was clear that the contractions were not going to happen while I was upright. So I told myself to just go to bed and ignore any contractions I felt. Then if they got really bad of course they would wake me up, but they never did.

When I woke up in the morning I still had faint twinges of pain, but none that grabbed and held on. They were gone. :( So Matt and I went for a walk again, but they never came back. All day I waited, but there were no more signs that Vincent was planning on arriving today.

Really looking forward to the sonogram early tomorrow morning. Hoping to get good news that Vincent is big and strong and healthy and that we will be meeting him soon!

I am 40 weeks pregnant today. Today was my due date. Womp Womp! ;)

I'm on the edge of glory ;)

Still no Vincent! I was super tired this morning. It was hard to drag my butt out of bed at noon! Ugh. So Matt and I went to Starbucks like we do most Saturday mornings and I decided to make an exception and get a caffeinated frappe since I was sooo tired. It really did help perk me up, but wasn't like a dramatic high and then crash so that was good.

After Starbucks I convinced Matt to go on a walk with me. Yay! So we did the same walk I did with Izzy yesterday, but without her because it's super annoying walking her. She has to go into every yard and sniff around, pee on just about every yard, and bark or growl at every dog we pass. It was much more enjoyable walking with Matt. And the coffee really helped me keep a faster pace today so we weren't doing like a pathetic pregnant waddle. If Vincent still isn't here tomorrow I bet we will be doing the same thing tomorrow!!

Then around 7 I left for Jessica Vincent's baby shower. I was really hoping I wouldn't be able to attend when she told me about it just because I'd either be in labor or be recovering from having my baby. Since he's still all snug in there off I went! It was kind of enjoyable though because everybody asked me when I was due and I got to say, "Tomorrow!" and everybody thought that was just amazing. I still held out hope that I could go into labor or something while I was there and Matt could just come pick me up, but Vincent had different plans. It really feels like he is late. It's hard to believe his due date is actually tomorrow. It's still not too late to be on time, Vincent! Fingers crossed!



I am 39 weeks and 6 days pregnant with 1 day left to go!!

Watching the days burning out like a cigarette, just a few drags to go

Matt and I went to my 40 week appointment today and got our drop dead date. If Vincent doesn't come on his own we have an appointment to get a sonogram Monday to make sure everything is okay, and if things are then we will come back Tuesday night to get the first round of drugs for inducing. Then we're going to stay the night at Northside and Vincent should be ready to be induced by Wednesday. We still have our fingers crossed that he will come on his own, but at least now there is a definite end in sight. Vincent may not respect his due date, but he can't avoid his eviction date: January 23, a.k.a. he can run, but he can't hide.


The doctor also gave us good news (kinda) that I am now dilated 1 cm. Just one. So that's not that exciting, but at least it is 1 and not 0 like the last 3 times he has checked. At least we are making progress. Of course there is no way to know if my walking caused the 1 cm., but I decided to walk after my appointment just in case. It was a nice day out (finally!) so I decided to take Izzy and walk outside. We walked about 3 miles, but what I didn't think about was the lack of bathroom accessibility. At the gym I could always hop off the treadmill and go. At the mall I could just start to walk in the direction of a bathroom. Outside I was walking farther and farther away from my bathroom the more I pressed on, and of course I needed to stay hydrated, and even if I didn't I still felt like I needed to go to the bathroom constantly...so walking outside wasn't as successful as I had hoped.


I'm still nervous about the imminent pain of this whole process. I fully plan on getting an epidural, but I know that that can't mean I will be pain free. That would just be too easy. It's so conflicting because I want Vincent to come so badly. I want him to come like 3 weeks ago, but I also know that I'm not in pain now, and when he comes I will be. I can't help but think that since I've been looking forward to this day for almost 9 months that the pain can't be like other pain. It's gotta be better. Even if it's excruciating. It's gotta be somehow okay just because I've known it's coming; I've wanted it to come, and it's the only way to get my baby. Still waiting on the unknown.

I'm 39 weeks and 5 days pregnant with 2 days left til due date.

Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you tonight.

Even though my doctor said that walking will not help naturally induce labor, a lot of women I've talked to swear that it worked for them. Also, if you google it, a lot of women say the same thing. So I went to the mall today with the intent of walking til the baby fell out. I walked from 10am til 2pm...4 hours and no contractions. I kind of feel some pressure on my pelvis, but it definitely doesn't feel like a baby's about to fall out which I've read is what it feels like once he "drops." Now my feet hurt, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a charley horse in the night. Oh well. It was worth the try. If I didn't try it I would be beating myself up about it now.


I'm not feeling as enraged as last night so I can tell you what I did yesterday. I baked cookies for Matt's job to say thank you for the nice dinner and all the other thoughtful things. I went to Babies R Us and spent $235! Which surprisingly didn't really buy that many things. Anyways, the gift cards from Gameplan covered almost all of the cost and I used a different gift card I also got from Gameplan  (for Christmas) to pay the rest. People have been so generous with money and gift cards for Vincent. We haven't had to spend a dime of our own money at Babies R Us. It's been a real blessing. Then after my shopping spree I went to the gym and walked on the treadmill for an hour. I would have gone back and done that today, but there's a rule that you can only stay on one cardio machine for 30 minutes, and there are only 2 treadmills so I think people really do care about the rule. I was able to walk an hour yesterday because I walked 30 minutes, left the gym, walked to the nearby bathroom, walked back, and no one was on the treadmill so I got back on. I knew I wanted to do some serious walking today so I didn't want to risk not having access to the treadmill.

So even though I am not as mad as I was last night I am still really on edge. My hormones are going nuts. At least I could recognize it today. Matt was angering me just by eating a cookie a certain way. I smelled popcorn being popped downstairs and I was angry because I had a feeling it was mine and Andrew didn't ask if he could pop it. Matt asked me what it was like to be that on edge. I told him I feel like a shark with blood in the water.

I can't remember what it's like not to be pregnant. I feel like I've been pregnant my whole life. And at the same time I'm really nervous about the recovery. I feel like it's going to be long and painful and just downright awful. I feel like I've started something I can't finish, but I just have to. He's gotta come out some way and waving some magic wand is not an option. Come on, Vincent?

I'm 39 weeks and 4 days pregnant with 3 days left to go.

I'm just a day closer to you.

Very angry. Do not feel like blogging at all. These thoughts need to stay private in my actual journal. I'll just leave you with this quote from my quotes page.

Waiting for the fish to bite 

or waiting for wind to fly a kite.  

or waiting around for Friday night 

or waiting perhaps for their Uncle Jake 

or a pot to boil 

or a better break 

or a string of pearls 

or a pair of pants 

or a wig with curls 

or another chance.  

Everyone is just waiting.  ~Dr. Seuss

 

I'm 39 weeks and 3 days pregnant with 4 days left til due date.

But the postcard that's taped to the freezer reads, "Wish you were here."

Wow! Such a good night! Matt's work had a dinner party celebrating Baby Vincent's upcoming arrival. It was such a sweet gesture. Someone orchestrated the whole event and invited Matt's whole team. Someone bought a cake. Someone made a diaper cake, and they all pitched in and gave us $175 dollars to Babies R Us. They were celebrating another baby soon to be born as well so that's a lot of money they raised! Soo generous of everyone and soo encouraging! I had the eggplant Parmesan which was really good, but did not induce labor as the old wives' tale might have you believe. There's actually a place really close to where we used to live in Georgia where they give you a t-shirt if you go into labor after having their eggplant Parmesan so we might have to try going there even closer to the due date.

I'm 39 weeks and 2 days pregnant with 5 days til due date!