I'm gonna love you forever and ever, forever and ever amen.

In the morning Vincent had another doctor's appointment! Since he's below birth weight they want to keep checking his weight to make sure it gets back up there! Sad news. It was down 2oz! We should not have started to supplement less! Vincent didn't like it. We didn't like it. And it didn't work! So they told us to supplement 30-60mL each feeding and see how that goes. We had already started supplementing more before the appointment just because we could tell Vincent wanted/needed more and wasn't satisfied. So we thought this plan would work a lot better.

When we got back home Lara and her 6 month old son Austin came to visit. It was amazing seeing the difference between the two. It wasn't even the size difference. Austin was very aware of what was going on, very curious. You could tell when he was looking at you he was really looking at you. He was really curious about Vincent which was so cute! And he could sit up all on his own! Well, for the most part. lol

Right as Lara was leaving Pam drove up. Pam did quite a lengthy photo session with Vincent, but he would only open his eyes for one picture! We tried and tried to wake him up, but he had just eaten and there was no way he was waking up for anybody. Pam showed me some of her pictures though and it looked like she got some sweet ones with eyes closed!

Vincent is 6 days old today!

When will my reflection show who I am inside?

Laura and Aleks made us breakfast in the morning. (Hashbrowns, bacon, and donuts! nice combo huh? Well the stomach wants what the stomach wants!) They had to leave today to go back to school so their visit was short, but Laura will be back for her spring break! Yay!

After they left Matt left me alone with Vincent for the first time! He went to Lowes to get a lock for our door. I know people know to stay out of our room while I'm breastfeeding, but I still feel so exposed. I also just feel exposed because I'm still in the healing stage post pregnancy and I feel like I just need some cocoon time. Some time to just be goopy mush but where no one will see me so I can re-emerge as a butterfly later.

While he was gone I cleaned around our room and Vincent slept. It was really anti-climactic. I also read one of my pregnancy books. I skipped over the c-section chapter when I was pregnant. That's how confident I was that I wasn't going to have to have a c-section. I just wanted to make sure my reason for having a c-section was in there and that it sounded really necessary. I also read the chapter on vaginal birth after c-section, (VBAC) and it made me feel a lot better, that maybe I won't have to get cut for each delivery. We'll see!  It's funny how I don't feel like I have the strength to do anything while Matt's here, but the second he leaves I find my strength.

In the evening we watched the Illini game. Although, I couldn't stay awake. Not much to stay awake for. They have definitely lost their mojo and a lot of their fans for this season.

Vincent is 5 days old today.

I wanna close my eyes. I wanna fall asleep, but I'd miss you babe. And I don't wanna miss a thing.

Vincent went to his first doctor's appointment in the morning. We got good news that he had gained weight! Unfortunately it was 4oz in one day and the doctor wanted us to supplement less! Instead of supplementing 30mL each feed she wanted us to supplement 30mL one feed then nothing the next! We tried that one time and after Vincent freaked out and would not sleep we split it up 15mL each time and it went much better.

Laura and Aleks came today from Florida. They got here around 2 and we hung out and talked and oohed and awed over Vincent of course. It was weird and hard not being in bed and visiting, but it was worth it. I'm really glad they came. In the evening Laura and Aleks made us dinner. (Panko chicken, garlic mashed potatoes, and green bean casserole! YUM) I felt bad because we really didn't get to spend much time with them. Vincent had to feed about every 3 hours and each time it takes us about 40-50 minutes sooo that doesn't leave a lot of time.

Vincent had a rough night during the night. He wouldn't sleep from 3 til 7. That might not sound that bad to you. You might think Psh! 4 hours! But no. It's bad. Compile it with all the other hours of sleep you have missed. Add in that breastfeeding really takes it out of you. And don't forget that even when he does decide to sleep it's only 3 hours before you have to wake him up to do it again. Wake him up? Wake up a sleeping baby? Yup that's right. Since Vincent hasn't reached his birth weight again we have to wake him up every 3 hours even if he's sleeping peacefully. Makes it even harder because he wants to sleep. We want to sleep. But no. The clock is merciless and it feels like it's always time to feed.

Vincent is 4 days old today.

Take me home tonight...be my little baby.

We brought Vincent home from the hospital today. It felt weird to put on regular clothes and go out into the outside world. When you have a c-section it's the hospital's policy to have you stay an extra day, but I still didn't feel ready. We took a ton of stuff with us from the hospital. Most of it I'm sure was okay...They let us take the pillows, but not the cases, all the diapers, wipes, and other disposable things in the drawers under Vincent's bed. They said we could take parts of the breast pump, but we didn't because we don't have the super expensive pump they had. The stuff I'm not sure if they normally gave away was the mesh undies and super huge pads. They were in a duffle bag on the bathroom door and we took the whole bag and put it with our stuff. As we were about to leave I asked the nurse if it was okay if we took them and she said yes, but it seemed like a pity yes, and not an actual, "Yes, people normally take those." Oh well! I really couldn't imagine not having them. I'm still wearing them 9 days later. Still afraid to transition back to normal.

They even gave me a pain pill before I left which I was sooo glad they did that. Even with that pill buying us extra time Matt cut it close getting the prescription before I was supposed to take the next pill. When we were finally set to leave the hospital they insisted on wheeling me out in a wheelchair. My last old person moment. I was pretty confident I could have hobbled out myself, but I probably couldn't have carried anything, and they really didn't want me to.


 Think we should have gotten a bigger carseat? Ha.


When we got home Matt went to get my pain meds. While he was out he realized he also had to pick up Izzy from Petsmart. She had had her teeth cleaned which is a procedure that pets need to be sedated for. Never thought about that but can totally see how it's necessary. We also had them cut her nails while she was asleep since that task is next to impossible while she is awake, and she got some shots.

Then Matt went to get my prescription and he said they really put him thru the wringer. Apparently the drug I needed is popularly abused and sold illegally. I didn't think it was that special until I ran out and tried to call my doctor, then realized it was another doctor who prescribed it, then had no one call me back so ended up never getting it and eventually not needing it. DEFINITELY didn't appreciate THAT! I ended up having to cut the pills in half. Then started taking them every 8 hours instead of every 4. Then started substituting the maximum amount of Tylenol the bottle said I could have. NOT FUN. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

This was Vincent's first night at home and he did great! We woke him up every 3 hours to feed him and he slept all the hours in between! What a champ!



Vincent is 3 days old today!

You'll never know dear how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away.

We got to catch up on some sleep in the morning. Vincent had been sooo hungry the night before and was sooo tired today. So were we so it worked out great. ;) All three of us slept for at least an hour. Later in the morning Vincent got his picture taken by a professional who worked at the hospital.We were so excited and LOVED every picture. We bought a huge package and couldn't wait to see them again online, but when we did see them we HATED them. At least I did. I don't think Matt wanted to commit to saying he loved them or hated them anymore because he was afraid my mood would swing. I have to blame all the pain meds. There's no way I would have spent $200 on those pictures if I was in my right mind.

Andrew came at lunch to visit and meet Vincent. He came just as I was eating/trying to breastfeed/talking to my mom on the phone, and Matt was in the cafeteria AH! So that was stressful. Andrew took home a onesie for Izzy to smell so that she would have a heads up about the baby. We'll see how that goes!

In the evening Jessica Craig came to visit which was sweet. Just as she was walking thru the door the nurse on duty took Vincent to get a test done. I was NOT thrilled about that. Jessica stayed for a bit and talked to Matt and me but never got to see Vincent. When the nurse finally brought him back she said he DIDN'T EVEN GET THE TEST DONE! I was so mad! She also gave us the bad news that Vincent was a bit jaundice but didn't really explain what that would mean, like what we would have to do about that, and she said he had lost 10% of his birth weight and that we would have to supplement with formula. Now 10% sounds like a lot and she made it sound pretty dire, but when Vincent was born he weighed 7lb 13oz. In 24 hours he was 7lb 3oz and nobody was alarmed. Everybody said that was normal. But then 24 more hours later he was 7lb 0oz and this nurse was making it sound like he needed to be on life support. She really freaked us out with her delivery of the news and it was really unnecessary. So then she brought us a breast pump and told me how to use it and left the room. I was really weirded out by it and found it really uncomfortable, and she didn't say when to stop pumping. She didn't explain that it would turn off automatically. So I just sat there frustrated and in pain. What made matters worse was that nothing was coming out. I was also still reeling from her news that my baby was malnourished. I really didn't like that nurse. When she would come in after that I tried to not even look at her, but when her supervisor came around and asked about my stay I couldn't remember her name. Matt and I told the supervisor about the incident with Jessica coming and not getting to see the baby, but not the other issue of freaking us out. That was harder to explain without sounding whiny.

Vincent is 2 days old today!

Love will keep you up all night. It's not something you can decide.

The next time I had to go to the bathroom was around 7 or 8 in the morning. I think. I buzzed the nurses' station asking for help. I got one girl. Just one. I was nervous. And she was one that didn't do something I had wanted before. I just didn't think of her as very helpful, but she was enough to get the job done this time! I surprisingly felt much better than my last attempt last night and didn't feel like fainting at all.

Vincent got circumcised early in the morning and as much as I didn't want him to go thru pain, I knew it had to be done. I felt so bad for him, but he acted like a real champ. He slept for maybe 3 or 4 hours when he got back which is a long time for him, but he made up for lost time later in the day when all he wanted was to nurse, nurse, nurse! His hunger was insatiable. He would nurse for over an hour and still cry. Needless to say I felt like crying too. It was a rough night for Matt and I nursing round the clock, but somehow we made it thru.

Sometime before all the nursing craziness Sam came to visit and was Vincent's first visitor! Sorry I don't have a lot of details. I was really drugged up for the rest of my stay at Northside. I do remember I took my first shower since my c-section and had to do so sitting down. Yet another old person moment for me.

Vincent is 1 day old today!

All my life I've prayed for someone like you, and I thank God that I finally found you.

When I woke up in the morning I definitely did not feel like P. Diddy. I knew I should be really pumped and excited that Vincent was going to be born today, but I could not wake myself up. I was so tired from the Ambien and morphine. The doctor came in to tell me that my cervix was dilated 8cm!! I was so thrilled, but still sooo tired. She said they would give me 2 hours to dilate the other 2cm. I laid back to relax, but then they came back in and said that Vincent's heart rate was dropping with each big contraction. They started to talk about c-section and all I could think was...what happened to my 2 hours?? Then they came back in and said I had spiked a fever and they strongly recommended a c-section to be safe. Now I was really tired. Almost dead to the world. So what I heard was, "If we don't get this baby out now who knows if he will live." I still started bawling. I was definitely scared and definitely never saw my birth story happening like this. The nurses were all like, "It's okay, I've had 2 c-sections," "You'll be fine," "Blah, blah blah," but they were also saying it in a really rushed way and I was freaking out.


They wheeled me down a lot of halls and I just tried to come to grips with what was going to happen. They put me on a table and I was looking up at a bright light. They put a big blue sheet in front of my face and got to work. Matt stayed up by my face the whole time. I didn't feel any pain, just a lot of movement like they were rearranging my organs which they kind of were.Vincent was born at 11:19AM. When I heard my son cry it was the most beautiful cry I had ever heard. It wasn't shrill or demanding at all. It was just kind of helpless and sweet.

The worst thing about having a c-section besides getting cut was that I didn't get to see Vincent right away. They had to clean him up and do who knows what, but it felt like forever. Then when I did get to see him I didn't get to hold him, Matt just held him by my face and I got to look at him while on the operating table. Then they took him somewhere else to make sure he wasn't affected by my fever and they stitched me up and cleaned me up.

I sat in some area blocked off by a curtain all by myself for what felt like hours. Then Matt came down and waited with me for what felt like more hours. Then we finally went to our room, but Vincent wasn't there! Then some lady came in and was asking me tons of questions and wanting me to sign tons of papers, and I just started bawling again saying, "I want to see my baby now!" So we rushed thru the rest of whatever she wanted me to do and then finally they brought Vincent in the room. Now I was in a lot of pain and on a lot of drugs and I couldn't get out of bed, but I just kept looking over at my beautiful baby making sure he was still there and that he was okay.

I couldn't have solid foods for 12 hours after my c-section so I drank a ton of water, Gatorade, and apple juice. My dinner was broth, jello, and more juice, woo. But I actually wasn't that hungry. And I had a catheter in so for the first time in months I didn't have to pee. I could just drink and drink and drink and never had to make any trips to the bathroom. Sounds gross, but it was awesome. When they finally came to take my catheter out I had to get out of bed to do it. I was majorly apprehensive, but they assured me I could do it. In great pain I scooted on to my side and hoisted myself up with help from the nurse. Walking was terrible and I had to hunch over in pain and fear that I would rip open my stitches. I felt like an old person so many times while I was recovering in the hospital. Not only was I hunched over, I had to use my IV pole to stabilize myself like a cane. When I finally got to the bathroom I didn't think I could sit down. The nurse helped ease me down, but as soon as I was sitting I felt lightheaded. I told her and she told me to just sit there til I felt it pass. It didn't pass. They tried to stand me up to get me back to bed. All of a sudden I couldn't hear anything except a high ringing sound. Then I couldn't see anything except a fuzzy blur. I woke up to someone saying, "She's falling, she's falling." and I was falling into someone. They had me smell ammonia 3 times to try to wake me up. Suddenly four nurses were helping me back into bed. They tried to tell me that happened because I wasn't drinking enough fluids although I was just sure that couldn't be true. I had had so much fun drinking all those fluids. They tried to get me to drink some Gatorade, and I took a few sips but acted like I was too tired to drink any more because I knew the next time I had to pee I would have to get up out of bed again, and I was scared.

The son'll come out tomorrow.

I started off the day frustrated. Still no baby. I had an OBGYN appointment in the morning and Matt went with since he already had the day off for Martin Luther King Jr. day and since we knew this had to be one of the last ones. Little did we know that it was going to be THE last one before Vincent was born! YAY!

At the appointment I met with the midwife that I liked. We asked her her opinion on inducing and thought that she was going to be totally against it since she is a midwife and usually they are all about natural, holistic treatments and not just drugs, drugs, drugs. But she was all for it. She said since he was already late that there was no doubt in her mind that they could get me into labor and she said it was all geometry now. Will the head fit thru the pelvis? And that would be an issue if we induced or if he came naturally. My OBGYN had set the induction date January 23rd with me coming in the evening of January 22 to start induction, but the midwife said there was no harm in starting the process TODAY! So of course I jumped on that. Next she did something very mean. I thought she was just going to check my cervix and see how much I was dilated, but she stripped my membrane. For those of you who don't know what that is it's when someone sticks their finger up inside your cervix and moves it all around to try to get stuff going. My cousin said she didn't even know her doctor was doing it til she was done. I DEFINITELY knew something was different. She stuck her hand up WAY TOO HIGH! I felt like a puppet on a hand. I wiggled like a worm on a hook. It was so intrusive and uncomfortable! I felt so violated. When she was done I definitely felt different and I didn't like her as much. AND I was SURE I needed an epidural. If I couldn't take that? Ha. I got this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I thought was nerves. Then I thought was cramps. Then I found out was contractions!

Finally in my own room at Northside I was so excited. I was hooked up to the monitor and they showed me how to watch Vincent's heart rate and the rise and fall of a different line when I was having contractions. I felt pretty good watching it rise and feeling completely under control. We got to the room at about 5:00, and they gave me the Cervidil (looks like a tampon with a long string that ripens your cervix) at 7:30. My contractions started getting worse but were still manageable by 10:30 when they gave me Ambien so that I could sleep thru my contractions. Definitely didn't work. Instead of falling asleep I just got really tired, but felt every contraction. Being tired completely shook my resolve. I knew I wanted the epidural, but I didn't know when was too early to ask for it. I didn't want the nurses to think I was a wimp. I wanted someone to come in and praise me for taking those contractions like a champ. The contractions got worse and worse, but nobody came. What made it even worse was that some of the really bad contractions didn't go up really high on the monitor so I didn't even have the satisfaction of seeing that. When a nurse finally came in I told her that the Ambien wasn't working and I couldn't sleep at all so she gave me morphine. This kind of worked. It made it so I could sleep, but I would wake up for each contraction. This almost made it worse because I couldn't feel any of the time between the contractions. It just felt like someone was coming into the room, beating me up, leaving, then coming right back to do it again. They felt like the blood pressure cuff they put on your arm in that moment when it's really pumped up and you think for a second TOO TIGHT! but then it goes down, but the cuff was around my uterus. I was in such pain that I had to grab on to the railing of the bed with both hands and bury my face in my pillow, but I still couldn't bring myself to ring the nurse and ask for the epidural. I thought surely someone would see the monitor and rush it to my rescue saying that surely I wanted the epidural now since I had told them I eventually wanted it, but no one came. Finally I woke Matt up, but couldn't even ask him to get the nurse for the epidural. I just started crying. Matt finally asked if I wanted the nurse to come in with the epidural and I took my opportunity and just said yes.

When the anesthesiologist came in to administer it he wasn't warm or friendly at all. He wasn't mean, just all business, like I was a broken copy machine and he was there to fix me. I really thought he was just going to stick me without even warning me, but the nurse kept me informed about what was happening. All I felt was a sting from the anesthesia. They told me the big needle was going in, but I couldn't feel a thing. I felt one more contraction and nothing more. I was one cloud nine. I was so thrilled. I wanted to kiss the man (or woman) who created the epidural. I floated off to sleep with a smile on my face.

Why'd you have to wait to find me, to find me?

Wow today was so frustrating. I thought Vincent's due date was going to be the happiest day of my life so far, not a big build up and a big let down. We've been saying January 20th for so long I really didn't think this date had the option of being anything but wonderful.

What made it really hard was that last night I had false labor for a little more than 2 hours! From 2:45 in the morning til about 5:00 I was having contractions for about 30-45 seconds 5 minutes apart! I really thought it was the real deal. They even started to get more intense by the last 3. I was seriously considering calling the doctor, but then I remembered him saying to walk around and see how you feel after that. As soon as I got up and walked around the contractions stopped. If I got back in bed they started up again! I even took a shower and did my makeup just in case we were really going to the hospital, but after walking around more it was clear that the contractions were not going to happen while I was upright. So I told myself to just go to bed and ignore any contractions I felt. Then if they got really bad of course they would wake me up, but they never did.

When I woke up in the morning I still had faint twinges of pain, but none that grabbed and held on. They were gone. :( So Matt and I went for a walk again, but they never came back. All day I waited, but there were no more signs that Vincent was planning on arriving today.

Really looking forward to the sonogram early tomorrow morning. Hoping to get good news that Vincent is big and strong and healthy and that we will be meeting him soon!

I am 40 weeks pregnant today. Today was my due date. Womp Womp! ;)

I'm on the edge of glory ;)

Still no Vincent! I was super tired this morning. It was hard to drag my butt out of bed at noon! Ugh. So Matt and I went to Starbucks like we do most Saturday mornings and I decided to make an exception and get a caffeinated frappe since I was sooo tired. It really did help perk me up, but wasn't like a dramatic high and then crash so that was good.

After Starbucks I convinced Matt to go on a walk with me. Yay! So we did the same walk I did with Izzy yesterday, but without her because it's super annoying walking her. She has to go into every yard and sniff around, pee on just about every yard, and bark or growl at every dog we pass. It was much more enjoyable walking with Matt. And the coffee really helped me keep a faster pace today so we weren't doing like a pathetic pregnant waddle. If Vincent still isn't here tomorrow I bet we will be doing the same thing tomorrow!!

Then around 7 I left for Jessica Vincent's baby shower. I was really hoping I wouldn't be able to attend when she told me about it just because I'd either be in labor or be recovering from having my baby. Since he's still all snug in there off I went! It was kind of enjoyable though because everybody asked me when I was due and I got to say, "Tomorrow!" and everybody thought that was just amazing. I still held out hope that I could go into labor or something while I was there and Matt could just come pick me up, but Vincent had different plans. It really feels like he is late. It's hard to believe his due date is actually tomorrow. It's still not too late to be on time, Vincent! Fingers crossed!



I am 39 weeks and 6 days pregnant with 1 day left to go!!

Watching the days burning out like a cigarette, just a few drags to go

Matt and I went to my 40 week appointment today and got our drop dead date. If Vincent doesn't come on his own we have an appointment to get a sonogram Monday to make sure everything is okay, and if things are then we will come back Tuesday night to get the first round of drugs for inducing. Then we're going to stay the night at Northside and Vincent should be ready to be induced by Wednesday. We still have our fingers crossed that he will come on his own, but at least now there is a definite end in sight. Vincent may not respect his due date, but he can't avoid his eviction date: January 23, a.k.a. he can run, but he can't hide.


The doctor also gave us good news (kinda) that I am now dilated 1 cm. Just one. So that's not that exciting, but at least it is 1 and not 0 like the last 3 times he has checked. At least we are making progress. Of course there is no way to know if my walking caused the 1 cm., but I decided to walk after my appointment just in case. It was a nice day out (finally!) so I decided to take Izzy and walk outside. We walked about 3 miles, but what I didn't think about was the lack of bathroom accessibility. At the gym I could always hop off the treadmill and go. At the mall I could just start to walk in the direction of a bathroom. Outside I was walking farther and farther away from my bathroom the more I pressed on, and of course I needed to stay hydrated, and even if I didn't I still felt like I needed to go to the bathroom constantly...so walking outside wasn't as successful as I had hoped.


I'm still nervous about the imminent pain of this whole process. I fully plan on getting an epidural, but I know that that can't mean I will be pain free. That would just be too easy. It's so conflicting because I want Vincent to come so badly. I want him to come like 3 weeks ago, but I also know that I'm not in pain now, and when he comes I will be. I can't help but think that since I've been looking forward to this day for almost 9 months that the pain can't be like other pain. It's gotta be better. Even if it's excruciating. It's gotta be somehow okay just because I've known it's coming; I've wanted it to come, and it's the only way to get my baby. Still waiting on the unknown.

I'm 39 weeks and 5 days pregnant with 2 days left til due date.

Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you tonight.

Even though my doctor said that walking will not help naturally induce labor, a lot of women I've talked to swear that it worked for them. Also, if you google it, a lot of women say the same thing. So I went to the mall today with the intent of walking til the baby fell out. I walked from 10am til 2pm...4 hours and no contractions. I kind of feel some pressure on my pelvis, but it definitely doesn't feel like a baby's about to fall out which I've read is what it feels like once he "drops." Now my feet hurt, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a charley horse in the night. Oh well. It was worth the try. If I didn't try it I would be beating myself up about it now.


I'm not feeling as enraged as last night so I can tell you what I did yesterday. I baked cookies for Matt's job to say thank you for the nice dinner and all the other thoughtful things. I went to Babies R Us and spent $235! Which surprisingly didn't really buy that many things. Anyways, the gift cards from Gameplan covered almost all of the cost and I used a different gift card I also got from Gameplan  (for Christmas) to pay the rest. People have been so generous with money and gift cards for Vincent. We haven't had to spend a dime of our own money at Babies R Us. It's been a real blessing. Then after my shopping spree I went to the gym and walked on the treadmill for an hour. I would have gone back and done that today, but there's a rule that you can only stay on one cardio machine for 30 minutes, and there are only 2 treadmills so I think people really do care about the rule. I was able to walk an hour yesterday because I walked 30 minutes, left the gym, walked to the nearby bathroom, walked back, and no one was on the treadmill so I got back on. I knew I wanted to do some serious walking today so I didn't want to risk not having access to the treadmill.

So even though I am not as mad as I was last night I am still really on edge. My hormones are going nuts. At least I could recognize it today. Matt was angering me just by eating a cookie a certain way. I smelled popcorn being popped downstairs and I was angry because I had a feeling it was mine and Andrew didn't ask if he could pop it. Matt asked me what it was like to be that on edge. I told him I feel like a shark with blood in the water.

I can't remember what it's like not to be pregnant. I feel like I've been pregnant my whole life. And at the same time I'm really nervous about the recovery. I feel like it's going to be long and painful and just downright awful. I feel like I've started something I can't finish, but I just have to. He's gotta come out some way and waving some magic wand is not an option. Come on, Vincent?

I'm 39 weeks and 4 days pregnant with 3 days left to go.

I'm just a day closer to you.

Very angry. Do not feel like blogging at all. These thoughts need to stay private in my actual journal. I'll just leave you with this quote from my quotes page.

Waiting for the fish to bite 

or waiting for wind to fly a kite.  

or waiting around for Friday night 

or waiting perhaps for their Uncle Jake 

or a pot to boil 

or a better break 

or a string of pearls 

or a pair of pants 

or a wig with curls 

or another chance.  

Everyone is just waiting.  ~Dr. Seuss

 

I'm 39 weeks and 3 days pregnant with 4 days left til due date.

But the postcard that's taped to the freezer reads, "Wish you were here."

Wow! Such a good night! Matt's work had a dinner party celebrating Baby Vincent's upcoming arrival. It was such a sweet gesture. Someone orchestrated the whole event and invited Matt's whole team. Someone bought a cake. Someone made a diaper cake, and they all pitched in and gave us $175 dollars to Babies R Us. They were celebrating another baby soon to be born as well so that's a lot of money they raised! Soo generous of everyone and soo encouraging! I had the eggplant Parmesan which was really good, but did not induce labor as the old wives' tale might have you believe. There's actually a place really close to where we used to live in Georgia where they give you a t-shirt if you go into labor after having their eggplant Parmesan so we might have to try going there even closer to the due date.

I'm 39 weeks and 2 days pregnant with 5 days til due date!

I need you to hurry up now cause I can't wait much longer

Today was weird because Matt came home at lunch and wasn't feeling well after he ate so he ended up staying home the rest of the day. For some reason I ended up getting NOTHING done with him at home even though I was trying to avoid him like the plague because I really don't want to get sick. I'm still not sure if he was sick or if it was something he ate, and I don't think he knows either. The garlic bread we ate was a little suspect because it was not frozen or refrigerated. It was from Aldi and of course really cheap so I thought the fact that you didn't have to put it in the freezer or fridge was convenience, but maybe it wasn't too safe to eat. I didn't end up getting sick though, so I don't know.

At 5:15 we left for our tour of the hospital where I'm going to deliver. We got there at about 6 and our tour didn't start til 6:30 so yaaaay for finally being early to something! The tour made me feel really at ease. We got to see where to check in, a delivery room, a recovery room, the nursery, etc. It took a lot of the mystery out of the process so now I'm feeling even more ready if that's even possible! We even brought our bags with us just in case Vincent conveniently decided to come while we were on the tour at the hospital. Of course, it could not be that easy. Finished the tour, came back home in time to watch Biggest Loser, and still no baby!

I'm 39 weeks and 1 day pregnant with 6 days left til due date!!



 

So I keep on waiting, waiting on my world to change

We finally made it to church today! Definitely hard to wake up in time and to sit thru the whole thing, (wish the seats could recline or something!) but we did it!

After church I got super tired out of nowhere again and had to lie down. It was like I was too tired to sleep and definitely too tired to get up so I just lay there for about an hour and might have drifted into a light sleep, but I'm not sure. It felt like I used to feel before I started taking iron. Hopefully that means Vincent is using all my energy to do something in there!! Although, it doesn't really feel like it. I thought I would be really excited about hitting 39 weeks, but after my last appointment and just the way I've been feeling (like nothing's happening) I feel like I don't even want to get my hopes up or put that thought in my head that Vincent could be a week away because he might. not. be. :(

I tried to make that Alfredo again with different noodles. I figured it was okay because I threw the other noodles out so it was like having leftovers. Right? So this time I used noodles I knew were going to be good, (whole wheat Barilla) but Matt convinced me to cook the milk and cheese separate from the noodles and cook the noodles in water like normal. So I did. Big mistake. The milk never thickened up with just the cheese added to it, and the cheese never blended with it. It just became a blob at the bottom of the milk. So I tried to salvage it by throwing the cooked noodles in the milk and continuing to cook it like I had before, but the milk still wasn't thickening. The cheese still wasn't mixing. So I threw in some uncooked noodles, and some thickening started going on, but the cheese still didn't really mix. I added more cheese, but I didn't want to add the full amount because wow that would have been a lot of cheese. So this time the noodles were all good and the sauce was a let down. After all that I told Matt that his idea didn't work and that my pasta dish was RUINED for the second night in a row. I told him everything I did and he still didn't believe me. He thought I must have done something else wrong, but then I found this

Here’s the secret:  Cook your pasta in MILK instead of water.  The milk makes it super creamy.  The starch from the pasta thickens the milk into a sauce. 

from this website - http://heavenlyhomemakers.com/high-five-recipe-creamy-mac-and-cheese

So it's true. You really do need to cook the noodles IN the milk, NOT separately.

 Next time I've gotta get it right! And also the chicken I made to go with it was really good! So two out of three wasn't awful, but it was just frustrating that this stupid pasta is taking so many tries to get right! Next time tho it's gonna be AMAZING!

I'm 39 weeks pregnant with 7 more days left to go til due date!!

Just give it time. It's gonna get better. Now is not forever at all.

Matt and I kicked off the day sleeping in super late. We didn't end up heading to Starbucks til about noon, but it was still so good!


When we got home we watched the Illini lose horribly. I think a lot of people stopped watching, but it was so bad I just couldn't look away. I had to know just how bad it ended. (51-74...ouch) But at least I know!

After the game I don't know why but I got really tired. I had already slept in til like 11 something and done next to nothing. I even had coffee! (Decaf, but there's still some caffeine in decaf) But I felt like I was hit by a tranquilizer dart and had to lie down in the bed. I slept for like 2 hours! Come on, Vincent!!

So when I woke up, of course, I was hungry. I had recently made this mac and cheese I had found on Pinterest where you cook the noodles in milk instead of water. Then you don't drain the milk, you just stir in cheese, and it's sooo creamy! Sooo good! And the best part is, no butter, no weird chemicals from the powder of Kraft mac and cheese, just noodles, milk, and cheese. And it's like the best mac and cheese I've ever had. So I had this idea that I was going to make Alfredo that way. I started the same, milk and noodles on medium low heat. Then instead of adding cheddar cheese I added shredded Parmesan cheese. I sauteed a little garlic and stirred that in, and sprinkled on some parsley. The sauce was sooo good! It tasted like Olive Garden Alfredo sauce and was just as thick. Really...it was just like it. And no butter! No heavy whipping cream! The only problem was the noodles were awful! I will never again get Great Value whole wheat pasta. It was grainy and gritty. It almost tasted like the noodles weren't cooked all the way, but they were all plumped up, and they weren't gonna plump anymore. I ended up toughing thru and eating a little less than half of it just because the sauce was that good. I ended up fishing out the rest of the noodles, throwing them away, and saving the sauce to perhaps dip garlic bread in or something. Live and learn!


To end the night Matt and I sat out on our deck because it was so nice out. Matt smoked one of his cigars downwind of me and we just talked about how much our lives are going to change once Vincent comes. I love when we just sit out there and talk! It's so much better than zoning out in front of the TV. It's pretty late in the game, but I think Matt is finally calming down a little about Vincent coming and him becoming a dad. Better late than never!

I'm 38 weeks and 6 days pregnant with 8 more days til due date!!

Some nights I wish that this all would end (pregnancy). Cause I could use a friend for a change (baby!).

 I had an appointment with my OBGYN today. I guess it was technically my 39 week appointment even though Vincent won't be 39 weeks until the day after tomorrow. Sad to report that there is nothing new going on in there. Vincent still hasn't dropped. The doctor even did a quick sonogram to make sure Vincent's head was still down and in position because he's so high up he couldn't feel his head. Boo! The good news I guess is that if Vincent does not come by next Friday we will schedule a day to induce. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! So my appointment this morning was a mix of frustration and triumph. Frustration in the news, even though I kind of already knew he was going to tell me that and frustration that I was late. I can't believe what a hard time I have timing my trip. What made all the difference was that this appointment was a little earlier so I hit traffic whereas the last appointment I left early enough to allow traffic and didn't hit any. AH! So I was late which I've already mentioned that I hate, but then the triumph came at my weigh in. Same weight as last time! The scale kind of acted like it was going to be a pound more and I was like aww! but then at the last second it beeped back down to where it was last time. I'm pretty sure that means Vincent still gained his half a pound or pound or whatever and I lost that! Either that or I just timed it all right with eating, hydrating, and going to the bathroom and stuff like that. Either way, it's on my chart. I was kind of sad my doctor didn't even say anything, but I still felt satisfied knowing the number was the same.

When Matt got home we went to Sam and Laura's for dinner. It was really nice to see them again! We lived with them for like 3 weeks when we were in house limbo and then they went home to Illinois for the holidays and we just didn't see them for a long time. We ate together and watched The Words. It was kind of a weird movie, with a story within a story kind of deal. It could have been better, but it could have been worse. 

It was really just good for Matt and I to hang out with another couple instead of just watching TV or a movie at home. It was good to be more social especially because once Vincent comes it's going to be so much harder to do stuff like that. At least that's what I've been told and what I imagine. It's still so hard to believe that our lives are really going to change that much and that Vincent really is going to be born someday soon. I guess we'll just hafta see for ourselves when he gets here.

I'm 38 weeks and 5 days pregnant with 9 more days to go!

 

So close to reaching that famous happy end

I woke up a little earlier than usual today because Pam wanted to come over to visit and to see Vincent's room. It's amazing how you can think your house is completely spotless until you know someone's like 30 minutes from coming over. So it was fun visiting with her. I gave her a tour of the house, and she got to see Matt when he came home for lunch.

When she left all of a sudden I had no idea what to do with the rest of my day. I'm really not used to having company! So then I realized that I was feeling pretty good so I went to the gym! Woo! I thought about going to the grocery store after since the gym is like halfway between our house and the store, but I really am sick of going there every day, and I'm just sick of spending money every day. It's really hard to do mentally when I'm not working. All I see is the money going out, and it freaks me out a little. So I went back and forth like a million times, agonized really, but finally decided I did not need to go to the store, and drove home instead.

Even once at home I still thought about going to the store and just getting one or two things,  but it's such a slippery slope. I knew, mentally I had to just not spend any money today or else I would beat myself up with thoughts like, "I'm out of control." and "All I do is spend, spend, spend." And there'd be even more added pressure not to spend money the next day. Anyways, success! I am going to bed after I blog this and I did not spend a dime.

Also, I called the pediatrician's office to explain what happened yesterday, and they didn't seem to care at all. They barely seemed to remember me or my appointment, so I felt much better. They even said, "You know, you don't need to come in and tour the office and meet the doctors here in order to be seen." So I decided to make it easier on myself and just not go in. I was really expecting them to be more peeved at me for not showing up. I think I need to chill out.

I'm 38 weeks and 4 days pregnant with 10 days left til due date!!

 

I'm standing on the bridge. I'm waiting in the dark. I thought that you'd be here by now.

Sad Illini loss going on right now. We all gave up on the game over here. It wasn't pretty.

I did not have much energy all day because Vincent kept me up all night punching, kicking, rolling, and who knows what else he was doing in there. He's not even here yet and he's keeping me up all night. Today was really the first day I think all pregnancy that I felt really uncomfortable. It's like Vincent went thru a growth spurt and my uterus didn't. Come on, Vincent!

I forgot to mention yesterday that somehow I burned 6 pieces of toast. Amazingly ridiculous, I know. It was like a toast horror movie. I kept forgetting about them in there and then would pop them up manually in panic and they kept coming up charred black. Today showed some improvement. I only burned 2, but really is that that much better since I had such a horrendous experience yesterday? You would think none would come even close to burned. That just goes to show pregnancy brain is a very real thing. The most dangerous thing I think I've done because of pregnancy brain is cook a pizza with the cardboard underneath it the whole time. Oops! At least it only happened once!


So today I ran some errands. Babies R Us for Vincent, Kroger for groceries....I hate how I feel like I'm grocery shopping every day! I'm so inefficient! I would blame pregnancy brain again, but I think I've always been that way. Today I really did need to go. We were out of toilet paper. But do you think that's all I got? Of course not!

The main thing I was looking forward to today was meeting Vincent's pediatrician. I had googled them, called, and made an appointment to meet her and get a tour of the office. I left for my 5 o'clock appointment at 4:30 even though I knew the office was really close to our house, or at least that's what I THOUGHT! Turns out the address listed online (the same place I got their phone number) was wrong and the building I showed up to was empty and for sale.......I was not pleased. I HATE being late for appointments. But then I remembered I had seen a place called Northside something or another on the same road and I thought maybe THAT was it so I drove to that, and would have been right on time IF that would have been the right place. Boo! 0 for 2. So then I went home and tried to call the office to apologize and explain, but I got a recording because it was after business hours. I felt better when I saw that yes indeed the wrong address came up when you google searched it, but then I clicked on a link that said "Contact," and there was a DIFFERENT address listed. So I went to that address even though I was now 40 minutes late. Aaaand the office was closed with no one there. The only thing more frustrating than being late for an appointment is not making it at all. VERY frustrating!
 
At least I'm 38 weeks and 3 days pregnant with only 11 days to go!! You hear that, Vincent? It's time to come out!!

She's so pretty, but she but doesn't always act that way. Her mood's out swinging on the swing set almost every day.

Today was pretty boring. I'll just share a little from my actual journal, and I think Matt and I are going to bed early.

So yesterday was our trash pick up day, and our recycling got picked up, but our trash never did! I checked this morning! This is not the first time we've had a problem with Waste Management, but it was our recycling that got neglected before. Just as I was about to call Waste Management and let them have it the truck pulled up. (This is around 11:15am.) They really dodged a bullet there! I wasn't sure if I was happy or not because I was really getting riled up and was gearing up to unload my pregnancy hormones or wrath onto somebody, and all of a sudden I didn't have to. Nowhere for the hormones to go but to just dissipate into the air. Although, they DID drop a few pieces of trash right at their feet onto our driveway, and do you think they could take .2 seconds to bend down and pick them up?? NO! So that leaves them to me, the pregnant lady about to pop, to walk out there and bend down with great difficulty to pick up trash I ALREADY THREW AWAY!!

I'm 38 weeks pregnant with 12 more days to go til due date.

Just a day just an ordinary day. Just trying to get by.

I had a reaaally slow start today. I woke up and just didn't want to get out of bed, but I started to get really hungry, and then I had to pee, so I finally dragged myself out of bed. How am I going to go go go with Vincent all day when he keeps me up all night? AH! Still can't wait. :)

Then the weirdest thing came over me as I was eating breakfast. It was like I got a shot of OCD and everything out of place was glaring at me. I cleaned like a whirlwind for a couple hours. That doesn't sound long, but it was just weird because I wasn't planning on cleaning, but I couldn't stop. I kept trying to sit down and be done, but then I'd see something else. I kept getting lost in task after task. I think part of it is the Floradix I started taking. It's an all natural iron supplement. So the iron has been helping my energy stay up and I think it's been improving my mood. I also think I'm nesting, and I also think I was avoiding the gym. You know when you don't want to do something you can find a million other things to do that you normally wouldn't. Anyways, the house looks great. Aaaall ready for Vincent! ;)


But I did end up going to the gym. The same Asian lady was there which was kind of awkward because last time we kind of ended our conversation like we wouldn't see each other again. Oh well. We still said hello, exchanged pleasantries, and when I left she asked if I was feeling anything yet, (as in contractions) and unfortunately I had to answer no. I didn't end up going to the gym twice and am not sure if I will while pregnant because after my workout today my lower back started to hurt. I'm not sure if it's because of my belly or what, but it hurt like the time I slept in Rox's chair at a 90 degree angle and had to go see a chiropractor. Boo! Doesn't hurt now tho.

So tonight was a Biggest Loser night again! So while everybody else was watching football Matt and I were watching Loser. Sad to say our Jillian theory might be right. Someone else from her team went home again so her team is down to 2 and the other teams still have 5. I think they should have brought someone onto the show who almost made it this season to replace the girl who gave up before a whole week was even over. That spot was just a waste now and it could have been given to someone who really wanted/needed it, and it would have helped out Jillian. But does NBC ask me? Nooope!

I'm 38 weeks and 1 day pregnant with 13 days left til due date.

Hold on if you feel like letting go. Hold on. It gets better than you know.

Well this morning didn't start off too successful. Matt and I got up and got ready, but missed the exit for church somehow and ended up getting there late. We were so late that there wasn't a parking spot or room to make our own. So we gave up and went to IHOP. 

After eating like a ton of food I had it in my mind that I would go to the gym twice, and I did go once! But there was this tiny little Asian woman there. She could not have weighed more than 100 pounds. I was so amazed at how teeny she was that I thought about asking her if I could take her picture to motivate me in my weight loss after pregnancy. Anyways, she asked me when I was due and all the normal questions and when I left she wished me luck, rubbed my belly, (weird, but true) and told me not too overdo it. Before she said that I was feeling really self conscious about how short of a time I was there and how low impact my workout was, so when she said that I instantly felt much better and decided maybe I wouldn't come back today, but maybe I'll do a double work out tomorrow. We'll see!

In other news, I resurrected my 10 year old Ipod today and figured out how to get the songs from the Ipod onto the computer. That might not sound like a big deal to you, but it was actually kind of complicated. Now I can put all those songs on a new Ipod, the only trick will be convincing Matt to let me get one. Having all my old songs to pump me up during my workout really made a difference! It was so much more enjoyable. I'm really excited now for the post pregnancy workouts when I can actually WORK OUT and get my heart rate up. I googled how high your heart rate should get when you are pregnant and working out and it said up to 140. That's pretty low impact. Pretty lame. But I think if you work yourself too hard you pump too much blood to other parts of your body and not enough to your uterus? Something like that. But I had to work out today. I just had to or else I would have felt so much regret while watching...

BIGGEST LOSER!!! The season premiere finally came tonight. I've missed it so much! Usually they have 2 seasons each year, but they took this fall off for some reason. So it's been a long time!! I wonder how many people actually watch the show. I feel like most don't, but then they have celebrities on all the time who say they are big fans. Also, I have 2 Biggest Loser shirts that I bought off NBC.com, and people stop me all the time and ask if I was on the show and what season I was on, and they seem really excited about it like they are meeting a celebrity so I feel like they must watch the show. Also, Jillian is back after being gone for 2 seasons so that is exciting. Although, they showed scenes from episodes yet to come and it looked like in one of the clips that Jillian only had one person and the other teams still looked pretty full so if that's the case I will feel bad for her.

I'm 38 weeks pregnant today!! That means 14 days to go til due date. I feel like I'm done being frustrated that Vincent hasn't come yet and am ready to be excited again? Because he has to come soon whether he likes it or not! Happy thoughts!

I think we're going somewhere. We're on to something good here, and we're gonna make it after all.

I woke up this morning with the worst charley horse ever!! It felt like a knife and didn't subside as fast as mine normally do. It was NOT the best way to start the day, but at least I haven't really been having that many. That was probably like my 5th one all pregnancy. Can't complain too much.

We spent pretty much the whole day with the Vincents which would have been fine except when we left the house Matt said we were going to be there for about an hour while he helped Aaron put together a swing set and it turned into about 5 hours. It's all about your expectations. And I hate hinting around that I want to leave somewhere. I just feel rude. Therefore I hate being put in situations where I have to hint that I want to leave. I like to have a time frame and I like to stick to it....yaaaa....Anyways! I really do like the Vincents. I wouldn't be naming my son Vincent if I didn't like them. Although that doesn't mean he's named AFTER them....that would be creepy. So while we were there we went to Revive which is a consignment store and I found 6 really cute outfits for Vincent for only 20 dollars total so that was great! And we ran into some people that I kind of knew thru Jessica and it felt great to finally be able to tell people I'm about 2 weeks away from my due date! (2 weeks tomorrow) Two weeks away just sounds so much more legit than 3 weeks away. When we got back Jessica said she was tired and wanted to take a nap. I was tired too, but I was really hungry too and well hungry trumps tired pretty much every time. Unfortunately all they seemed to have was hamburger that they had had for lunch. I had already passed on that around lunch time since I do not like hamburgers like at all, and I had a Cliff bar instead that I had brought in my purse. The Cliff bar carried me thru about 5 hours, and I brought two, but when I got hungry again I just couldn't eat another Cliff bar. I bit the bullet and asked Matt if we could go home.

When we got home we ate spinach salads! Yay! Go us!! Then we watched the Illini game which was on earlier in the day but we taped it and yay! They played awesome and beat Ohio State. They killed them really. It was like the best game ever.

I'm 37 weeks and 6 days pregnant with 15 left to go!

So take what you need and be on your way and stop crying your heart out

Made it thru the day without crying! Woo! But I was pretty angry most of the day. Pregnancy hormones!

It all started when I got to my OBGYN appointment really early. I don't know why I have a hard time judging the time it takes to get there. My appointment wasn't til 11:15, but I got there at 10:40. By the time I parked and checked in I got up to the office by 10:55 which was still way early. (You're supposed to be there 15 minutes before your appointment to CHECK IN!) So I do all their routine stuff with them like peeing in the cup, getting my blood pressure taken, answering routine questions, and they put me in a waiting room. I wait there til after 11:15. I go into my own room at about 11:20. I then wait there til 11:40. Twenty minutes may not seem like that long to you, or maybe it does, but it's a lot longer when you have your feet in the stirrups and and are undressed from the waist down. UGH. So the midwife finally comes in and doesn't apologize for being late or anything, but I don't act mad because I do like this midwife. She answered like 6 questions I had and wasn't quick to try to rush me out the door. I really like my OBGYN but he starts to inch toward the door after 3 questions so when I'm with him I narrow it down to my top 3 and just ask those. Anyways! Spoiler alert: Vincent is still really high. So probably no baby this week. I feel like I have kind of gone thru the stages of grief and have now accepted that he will either be on time or late. It's weird. My whole pregnancy I've been really excited as each day and week goes by. One day/week closer to my baby. But something happened when I hit week 36. It's like I was just done. I had it in my mind that Vincent had cooked long enough in there and that it was safe for him to come out so he better come out NOW. According to the chart in my room that I had plenty of time to look at I would have been set if I were a hippo. Their gestation period is 8 months. And while I may feel like a hippo, it's just not the case.

So that's all I'm going to share about my angry moments today. I also went grocery shopping again for things I forgot, made lunch for Matt, went to Whole Foods, and took Izzy to Petsmart. Unfortunately for Izzy, it was for her vaccinations.

Izzy pretty much had the worst day of her life. She got stuck up the butt twice, 3 shots, stuff sprayed in her nose, other stuff sprayed in her mouth, and something else happened behind closed doors that I didn't get to see, but I could hear her struggling. I felt so bad like Izzy must hate me now so I've been trying to love on her a lot and give her treats, but she seems back to her old self. We'll see if she ever gets in the car with me again tho. The best part about the experience was the vet assistant. I think she was an angel sent by God. She asked me about my due date and whether it was a boy or girl like everyone asks then she looked me up and down and said, "You're like perfect, you know? Have other people told you that?" And she kind of gestured at my belly. I tried to be all cool and said, "Oh a few people," but I wanted to say, "Dude, you just made my life!!"

I wonder if her nice comment can carry me the rest of the way thru this pregnancy. Maybe it will if no one else throws in a totally insensitive one again. I've had two so far. Someone told me that they could only tell I was pregnant in my belly and my legs were a little bigger. (Each leg was deeply hurt and offended.) And someone else asked me, "How's the fat lady doing today?" It was a complete accident, a slip of the tongue, but the damage was indelible. So just prepare yourself if you've never been pregnant...PEOPLE ARE MEAN! Not all people, but it only takes one. It's like a few stupid people observe that everyone else is telling this woman what they think of her appearance so they think they can. What they don't realize is that everyone else is being super nice, and they are being super stupid. And when you're pregnant you're so much more vulnerable. Your hormones are going at 90 miles and hour and you're gonna gain weight, you just are. Here's the breakdown:

• Baby: 7-8 pounds
• Placenta: 1-2 pounds
• Amniotic fluid: 2 pounds
• Uterus: 2 pounds
• Maternal breast tissue: 2 pounds
• Maternal blood : 4 pounds
• Fluids in maternal tissue: 4 pounds
• Maternal fat and nutrient stores: 7 pounds

That's 29 lbs AT LEAST. Imagine yourself with 29 more lbs on you. That's pregnancy. And before I got pregnant I NEVER KNEW THIS. Imagine my surprise. I just thought you gained whatever the baby weighed and maybe like 5 other lbs and the people who gained more just overindulged. Wow! How naive I was!

And in the olden days when I wasn't pregnant if anyone ever would have even slightly alluded to the fact that they thought I was fat or even gaining a little weight I would have responded by starving myself, going on a crazy crash diet or killing myself in the gym, but you think you can do that when you're pregnant?! Nope.

Anyways! What a long tangent. Right after Izzy and I got home from Petsmart Matt and I hopped in the car to go to Olive Garden with a friend of his from work and his wife. It was a lot of fun and of course very delicious. And anyone who no longer feels sorry for me being called fat because I immediately put next that I went to Olive Garden...JUST BECAUSE I'M PREGNANT I CAN'T GO TO OLIVE GARDEN!?!?? Think about how unfair that logic is.

I am 37 weeks and 5 days pregnant with 16 more days to go til due date.

Wherever you are, whenever it's right you'll come out of nowhere and into my life

Today was a much better day. I slept in really late...like 11ish and got all my crying out by noon. It was kind of pregnancy related, but kind of other stuff too. Can't wait for these pregnancy hormones to subside. I got to the gym by 3:30 which was part of why I think my mood was better overall today. After the gym I went to the UPS store to finally mail the scarves and slippers. By the way, I HATE mailing things. It's like a control thing. I feel like I'm just throwing my money I spend on postage and the actual thing I'm trying to mail down a black hole. I'd much rather drive the thing to its destination myself or just wait til I see that person next, but neither would be efficient enough so I just put on my big girl pants and mailed the presents. I also went grocery shopping which was long overdue. We now have ingredients for a spinach salad which I really don't want to eat, but it's the healthiest thing I could think of for Vincent and ingredients for this sandwich I found on Pinterest. And surprise, surprise we had the sandwich tonight. It was soooo good! I could eat another right now.

I'm 37 weeks and 4 days with 17 more to go til due date.

P.S. Our milk expires two days before Vincent's due date! We'll probably drink it in a day or two, but that means by the time I go back to buy more milk THAT milk will probably expire on or after Vincent's due date! That's how you KNOW what you're looking forward to really is close. Come on Vincent!

It's gonna happen when it's supposed to happen and we find the reasons why one step at a time

Today was a frustrating day. So ready to be done being pregnant. I'm so grateful to be pregnant, but I'm ready to meet my baby, become a mom, and go back to being my old self.

I fell asleep listening to the same track of Hypnobabies, but I made it further than last time. I heard new stuff for sure. Not sure if I should move on to the next track or try that one yet again.

I finally called a pediatrician for Vincent and set up an appointment to tour the office and meet the staff. It's a good thing I called today because the next two times they could fit me in were Jan. 9th and Jan. 17th....cutting it a LITTLE close. Still hoping Vincent will come early and that the Jan. 17th one wouldn't even work. I also procrastinated calling to set up a tour of the hospital where I will be delivering so the next time they had available was Jan. 14th. Not gonna be heartbroken if that tour doesn't happen either and Vincent comes early and we just get lost a little.

So the bulk of my day I spent crocheting. I finished two scarves for Matt's grandmas for Christmas (Oops! a little late!) and slippers for my dad. The slippers almost made me want to shoot myself because they kept coming out too thin. I made about 5 slippers total and unraveled 3 until I had 2 that were the size I THINK my dad's feet are. Oh and I made Vincent another hat. I've made two so far. If you want to see them you'll have to wait til we take a picture of him wearing them when he's born!

It was a struggle, but I again drug my butt to the gym around the same time as yesterday. I really need to start going in the morning. The problem with the morning is sometimes I sleep in kinda late and Matt usually comes home for lunch (he did today) so I want to be there to spend that time for him. Plus, I make him lunch so he kinda needs me to be there.

The day ended in frustration with the Illini losing to Purdue. At least it wasn't something pregnancy related. It's been a rough past 7 days. I think I've cried every day, and not just "Oh what a sweet Hallmark commercial." Each day it's been, "I'm sick of being pregnant. I just want Vincent to come NOW."

I'm 37 weeks 3 days with 18 more days to go til due date.

This must be it. Welcome to the new year.

I've decided to make 2 official New Year's resolutions even though it seems NO ONE makes them anymore. It's like a childish or naive thing to do, I know, but I love new beginnings. I love fresh starts. Naturally I'm a very "all or nothing" type person. I think that's why I'm drawn to New Year's resolutions, but I've burned myself out many many MANY times having an all or nothing mindset so I've learned to better recognize when I'm doing it, find the gray area, and enjoy spontaneity and variety. So! Since I've been consciously trying not to be all or nothing I normally would shy away from a New Year's resolution BUT I realized that having no resolution at all is kind of being "nothing," and I thought I had decided I didn't want that? Just because being all or nothing can be unhealthy doesn't mean I should not be committed to something. Commitment is a good thing, and it's something I feel like I've been lacking in my life. 


Anyways! My New Year's resolutions are 1.) journal every day in 2013 and 2.) go to the gym 100 times. I realize both of these are going to be extremely difficult with Vincent coming in a matter of weeks, but I have a plan. On days when I just can't journal (when I go into labor, when I'm in the hospital recovering, etc.) I have already made Matt promise to either write down a few things that I dictate or to take a ton of pictures that we can paste into my journal. Also, note that I said "journal" not blog soooo I will try to blog as much as I can but am not promising every day. Plus I figured that the days that I am too worn out to write will probably be the days I want to remember the most, so having this resolution will make it even more likely that we will have documentation of everything. My plan for going to the gym is not as complex. The plan is kind of built into the resolution. One hundred times means I can miss a day or a week or a month and it will all be okay. I even went today to get things kicked off. I love new beginnings.

So this is what happened today.

Matt and I went to Starbucks in the morning which we often do when we have mornings together. Today we went to Starbucks so he could use his new travel mug from my parents. The deal is that you can fill it up for free (just regular coffee) every day in January. Pretty cool! NEVER saw it advertised or anything, but that really is the deal. We sat and talked about how we can't believe Vincent is coming this month and I pretty much made Matt make a New Year's resolution with me. (He's also doing the gym one.)

When we got home we listened to a Hypnobabies CD together. That also took a lot of persuading to get Matt to listen to it with me, but I convinced him that he needed to know some of the techniques so he could remind me when I went into labor if I panicked or anything. (Hypnobabies is a program to help you manage your pain during labor and delivery by pretty much hypnotizing yourself.) So we got all comfy and started the track, and I thought I heard the whole thing, but Matt told me I started snoring like 3 minutes in. Oops! Guess I'll try that track again tomorrow. Although Hypnobabies says your subconscious still takes it in. I'm still gonna listen tomorrow just to be safe.

Later in the day I made charts for Matt and me to track our 100 trips to the gym. They are basically just 10 by 10 grids with the numbers 1-100 to mark off each time we go and a motivational picture and quote. Pinterest made making these quite enjoyable because there are tons of motivational pictures and quotes on there. My quote is, "Wake up with determination. Go to bed with satisfaction," and Matt didn't want to have a quote, just a picture, but I wanted him to have one so I chose, "Winners never quit and quitters never win," for his. So even after putting all the time and thought into making our charts it was STILL hard for me to go to the gym. I kept getting hungry which meant I had to take the time to make something...and then you don't want to go work out RIGHT after you eat...and I was having *ahem* digestion issues all day, but I finally convinced myself to go around 7:45pm. By then it was raining and dark, but our gym is in our neighborhood and since conditions weren't the best, no one else was there, which I liked.

I'm 37 weeks and 2 days today which means 19 more days til Vincent's due date. Come on, Vincent!